Saturday, January 17, 2015

Unhappiness in the RGP World

There is lament and sadness and woe in my gaming world.
Being sick forced me to place my charries (characters) into ‘time out’. In one particular game, that means placing them on a lock-down mode that you cant pull the charries out of for like a minimum of seven days or you are penalized.
Anyway, in that game, which is currently my favorite, I am have gotten my main character in a relationship and its going tits up. Not the good way.
It makes me sad. A lot of work went into this character, her development and story, and the relationship she is in. (she’s married, sort of)
Now, the player of her partner skipped out a few months back for real life issues. He came back, never ‘time outing’ his character.
The problem is, he is still gaming, though not with me, and my character. They are supposed to be a team…husband and wife. We have a story-line in progress.
He seems to have abandoned it all. And me. He doesn’t speak to me at all anymore. No ‘hey, having some writers block..’ or anything. I’m used to people at least giving me excuses.
He is certainly writing with someone. I brazenly asked him a few weeks ago if his character was having an affair on mine. Well, didn’t that just piss him off.
These RPGs I play are crucial to me. Its all part of my writing therapy and keeps me coming up with new ideas. He is disrupting things in a storyline. A very crucial part of a storyline.
I am thinking of dropping him. Meaning, when I am able to take the charrie out of ‘time out’, having her divorce him. I could easily role play it out, because I’m all about the writing. He knew this when he signed up to take me on as a RPG partner in this game.
I guess what hurts my feelings the most is that he’s doing something sketchy, not keeping me informed, just leaving me in the dark about everything and also turning the storyline upside down.
Yes, my feelings are hurt. My character is despairing and lamenting and well…she isn’t sane to begin with. She feels unloved, if he ever even loved her at all. Mind you, I have to think like her, and sometimes that isn’t as fun as you may think it sounds.
I really don’t know what to do.
I figured I’d think it over until ‘lock down’ mode releases the character and I can actively play her again. I am thinking the worst. And on an out of character level, it breaks my heart just as much as its probably breaking the characters heart, just in a different way.
I’m losing someone who I thought was a good friend.
I’m whiny today.
Hey, I am not oozing and snotting as much! I got some QUALITY sleep last night…and late this morning! I am feeling so much better!
But that’s just physical. Inside I am really upset about my whole gaming life and world.
And when that happens, I am not a very productive person. I should be working on my other writing, but all my focus seems to be falling back to the gaming world.
What I need is a good committed gaming partner. I like my character to be in a relationship because yanno…smut writing…but I guess I am ‘needy’ in the fact that I have so much time, so much imagination and just the love of constant writing.
I used to have two gaming partners that were perfect. Our characters, their storyline, their interaction…they were the envy of the games. And these ‘relationships’ lasted for years. Real life circumstance brought them to an end, but wow…what a run…so many stories. Wars, fights, romance, bickering, comedy. They had it all. I would love to find that again in this particular game.
See, one of the downsides of this game, is that the female/male gaming ratio is severely out of whack. For every male, there are 6-7 females. So, basically, there are nearly no ‘available’ males, and the ones who aren’t homosexual or in a relationship, are taking full advantage of the females with …loose morals…throwing themselves at the males.
So finding a male and getting committed and forming a good partnership is like finding a needle in a haystack. Yanno, you also have to factor in the ‘writing compatibility’. Plenty of males may want to write with me, but come on…if you cant write more than a paragraph…don’t use punctuation and good common sense grammar, and can convey a story…well…NOPE. I loathe ‘one-liners’. They are usually the bane of any text based RPGers existence. And god modders, powerplayers and metaplayers.
~face desks~
So, I think I’ll sit here with the ‘grumpies’ today. Pout. Maybe even cry a little? I take my characters and their little lives to heart. You hear the phrase ‘its just a game’ all the time. But when you spend time developing, forming and fleshing out a character so truly unique, you take that characters little life to heart. That is your creation. Your baby. What pains it, pains you.
So, yes. I’m going to pout. Maybe write some ‘what if’ stories. Sometimes in doing that I create something that is workable if I am truly going to severe ties with someone.
Doing so makes me cry and snot though.

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